Spiritually Held

Lisa Smolkin

2022, 20:40 minutes, colour, English

TAPECODE 2147.11

The main character frames life as “your own vested happiness journey, everyone’s is different.” She inserts herself into an iconic scene from the movie My Best Friend’s Wedding, in which Julia Roberts’ character is endowed with dream rapport with everyone: charm, flirtation, banter, and 10/10 looks. She has everyone’s heart and they all see her/admire her/want her. The main character looks on in silence, barely visible eating manna, a food from God and omni-presently also on the field with a sign on the fence telling us IT HURTS. She poses the question and wonders if people feel spiritually held. She explores various attachment issues and relational states along with other people. She urges someone to like her social media and post about her favorably. Due to invisibility and rising problems she loses her life force and falls ill. While she is ill she experiences fear and confusion under a large knit blanket. She watches a video of her younger self at a punk rock show. She takes to her bed and imagines that she has a luxurious ensuite bathroom in which to escape. She watches the Gilmore Girls get loved up and experience healthy self-esteem and wants that for herself. She speaks from the vantage point of a teenager’s room who is brightly decorated but not able to impact the teen’s interior life. She climbs the scaffolding of her own inner infrastructure. She shows off her new house with her husband that has an open concept kitchen and living area even though they don’t have friends or a need to entertain. She talks about the concept of “the cottage.” Becoming a snow person, she gets snowed under. She waits on information that is not yet knowable. She dances in front of signs: TRUST IN LIFE, TRUST IN OTHERS, TRUST IN SELF. She becomes a part of a children’s game about binary. She co-regulates her nervous system with a cherub statue. Dressed like an old-fashioned house servant she implores out into the universe to not think ill of her or send bad energy her way. She gives a speech in the bed of a Tesla truck about the world transitioning from acquisition of personal wealth to a cooperative justice based system where no one is left behind. She recognizes that we are in late stage capitalism. She gets in touch with spirit and healing abilities when she is near or in a Tesla. A man tells her to relax. She sees God’s footprints in the mud near her. Were they there all along?

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