I Regret

Jonathan Culp

2018, 07:29 minutes, colour, English


So, you’re still with me. Well, I’m glad. Here’s an exercise based on AA’s fourth step. I hope this helps you, I really do.

EXERCISE: Go get yourself a notebook that you can carry around with you easily. Start writing down shameful incidents in your life. It doesn’t have to be in date order, you can skip all over the place if you want to. But write this stuff down, get it out onto paper. Keep that notebook with you, and as soon as you remember another incident, write it down. Be sure to find out exactly which part of that shameful incident you were responsible for, and which parts were truly not your responsibility (it’s very rarely an all-my-fault or all-their-fault sort of thing). Just keep writing things down in the notebook; you’ll get to a point where there’s no more to write, and that’s what you’re looking for.

Go on, put the book down and do this exercise. You probably need a break from all my ramblings right now anyway. When you’re done, pick some friend you can sit down and share all that stuff with. Make sure you get hir agreement to do that before you start spilling all of it out at hir. Go on, you’ll feel a lot better. Honest.

- Kate Bornstein, My Gender Workbook

Created at Phil Hoffman’s Independent Imaging Retreat, July 2018.
Exhibition format: 16mm film | ProRes digital file

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